I've shared some seriously personal shit on this blog. From my love life to my drug use to my eating disorder to my crazy, nutty family drama - so why stop now?
My boyfriend of 2016, James, is the best surprise of my life. I met him on Christmas Day of 2015 at a party on a horse farm. That's elitist-speak for "party on a fucking mansion". He immediately caught my attention because of how attractive he is. He was there with this girl - really tall, curvy, and dressed like a real trash-bag. She looked out of place at this party - which was filled with posh, elegantly-dressed women and men. Anyway - maybe I simply had a reflex-"fuck-you" attitude towards her because I found James to be so incredibly handsome and I was jealous that she was standing by his side.
Turned out this girl, her name is Kelly was simply a "friend" and they had not come to the party together. James came up to me within 20 minutes of me being there. He introduced himself and asked me how my night was going. Next thing I knew - two hours had passed and I hadn't even looked at my cell phone, reached for a drink, or adjusted my dress. It was uncharacteristically bizarre of me to simply be so focused in conversation. But that's James - he grips me like nobody else ever has. It's kind of frightening how much control he probably has over me - I simply am enamored by his genuine nature and charismatic personality and uber-good looks.
Fast-forward 9 months later to September - James & I are in a "serious" relationship (whatever that means in 2016?!?). We spend most nights together. We go on date nights at least a couple times a week. We have gotten really comfortable around each other. Things have been going so well I have almost been blinded by love. Most days pass in a haze of bliss because of how madly, deeply in love I am.
So for these reasons - I was infinitely scorned/hurt/devastated/broken-hearted by the events that took place only a few weeks ago. James and I had gone to bed - but I was struggling to fall asleep - I had a lot of silly work shit on my mind and I was getting over an upper respiratory tract infection. So I started wandering around the bedroom only to see his cell phone laying there - silently screaming at my curiosity "come open me". so i did. and what I found were text messages between him and Kelly. the kinds of text messages a girlfriend never wants to read. the kinds of text messages that would make a girl feel so hurt, so insecure, so upset, so angry, so "so many things". Could I have fallen in love with somebody who was only a perception of my own "hopeless romantic" imagination?
Since then - we have made up - and you know what they say, breakup-to-makeup sex is the best sex. Call me one of those delusional chicks who are willing to put up with "unacceptable behavior." But honestly - it's so fucking hard to walk away from a "great thing." The relationship has been scarred (maybe forever, maybe only temporarily) - but the magic has been lost, the gleam and glitter have dimmed. I still get butterflies of love when I see him - but a small part of my heart has darkened because of the betrayal I felt from reading those text messages. Perhaps I will heal - perhaps we will heal, together. Or perhaps this was meant to be a wake-up call, a harbinger to more trouble ahead. I am willing to take the risk because just for today James treats me like the princess that I am - he makes me feel special, loved, and taken care of. What more can a girl need and want?
For the fools who keep loving - xoxo,
ElyVas
9.24.16
