I've promised to God that if He can just let me not be pregnant - I will never have sex again. I have learned my lesson. I am two days late and it's wrecking my sanity. I should've known better. Like my therapist recommended, my girlfriends begged, and my boyfriend suggested - Protection Protection Protection. I sound like a public service announcement. But hello ladies, let's get smart about the choices we make. Being 25, unmarried, unemployed, (homeless) and fucking pregnant just does not ring a promising bell.
Let me clarify - I am not totally unemployed. I have this great job - it's so great that sometimes I forget it's a job! I'm not technically homeless - I stay with my boyfriend most nights during the week and then I stay at my parents' the rest of the time. But someone in an AA meeting notified me that living anywhere (including your parents house) while not paying rent equals = homeless.
What do alcoholics even know, though? I only go to AA because it's like my new "thing". 2016 is about discovering ourselves. Isn't that what Kylie Jenner "articulately" stated recently? Just kidding. Nothing that comes out of the Kardashian-Jenner clan can be described as articulate. Gimme a break.
Anyway - back to the crisis at hand. I may in fact be pregnant. And that is so not okay. My boyfriend loves me. I love him too. But not the kind of love that screams "lets get married out of wedlock and have babies together." For Christs sake I am 25. I have a vacation planned to Aruba this summer. I can't be pregnant for that...I already have a cute bathing suit I'm starving myself to fit into. Oh my gosh and like what if I need to drink in Aruba? I will hate having to raise my hand at AA and say I only have one day...AGAIN. But if i'm pregnant - I really won't be able to drink.
So I'm going to take a test tonight. And put this issue to rest. I am shaking just thinking about it. The results will either read "You are FREE TO FUCK" vs. "You are Knocked da fuck UP". Dear God, it's me Ely ... please help me out here.
I will keep you fools updated.
Be safe, use condoms, dont get pregnant. xoxo
